I wanna bring you to show and tell
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
