Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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