i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
