Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
