What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
