smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
