I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
