I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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