There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
