so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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