Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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