Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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