I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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