So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
