I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This girl is more easily done than said...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
