i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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