I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
