I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize