that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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