I heard we made out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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