I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
