the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
