I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
