haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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