Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
