I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
