just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
