Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
