there was a trapeze. enough said
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
