I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
