We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize