do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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