so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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