You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
