sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
