We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your penis caused this!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
