Farmville is her only friend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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