Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
