I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
