Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.