1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night