oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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