every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
