You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.