i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.