You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are two peas in an std pod
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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