Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
