dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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