You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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