he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
