But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
