Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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