you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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