So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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