Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
