If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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