So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
