If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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