just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
