I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
