she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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