Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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