I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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