Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
