She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
