He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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