I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
