I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
