so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
