She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
