worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
