dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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