11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
