Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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