It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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