From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I enjoy the company of your penis
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