dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it hurts more in the daytime
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
