can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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